Marathon Lunching: Beijinger Style

Our last week of work in Beijing consisted of three marathon lunches with multiple team members from work.

On Monday, our China mentor Mr. Li, took us to a restaurant about 40 minutes from work called Beijing Noodle King. I'm sure this isn't the exact name of the place, but that's what Apple maps translated it to. Mr. Li is from Beijing and he wanted us to experience traditional Beijing cuisine before we left. Mr. Li, Rick, and our two translators Glenda and Nicky and I all piled into Mr. Li's VW Gulf and made the drive to this noodle house. 

We arrived and Mr. Li showed us around the restaurant and we got to see these gigantic coy fish swimming in a tank--they were massive! Nicky and I got pictures taken together and then we feasted on amazing Beijinger Chinese dishes. Mr. Li ordered dish of boiled cabbage covered in spicy mustard sauce...it sounds totally weird, but I seriously loved it. The sauce was lethal though and I think it permanently burned my nasal cavities. Next up were these tiny pork balls that looked like quarter sized meatballs. You know, now that I'm actually thinking about it, they may have actually been legit pork balls...like real balls...bahahaa!!! Whatever though, who cares if they were, that shit was good. I could have eaten 30 of them, and now I know what I'm serving at my next house party. 

Following the balls were pork sausage slices...just like salami, but a different color. Up next, fried spring rolls, similar to an egg roll in the US, but with a very different kind of filling. 

And for the record, you cannot get eggrolls here, or General Tso's chicken, or any of the shit they serve at home (who is General Tso anyway?). There are some similar kinds of dishes, like pork and noodles or pork and vegetables, but the stuff you're ordering from #1 China Restaurant in West Chester does not exist, so stop asking for it. You cannot get egg rolls here because eggrolls aren't actually a real thing. Eggroll doesn't even translate in Chinese and the translators will look at you completely puzzled. Then when you keep insisting on eggrolls, you will most likely receive a hard boiled egg or an eggplant dish, so don't look perplexed when that happens (insert some serious eye roll action here). Sorry, I digressed...

Ok, so after the pork sausage slices and a plate of cucumbers dipped in soy and vinegar sauce (one of my favorite dishes I've eaten all month long) these huge bowls of fresh handmade noodles, edamame, celery and sprouts were served with a brown bean curd paste sauce. You mix the bean curd paste into the dish and it turns it turns the dish into a brownish color. This dish was hands down my favorite dish in China. I loved it so much I could eat it every week. Then Mr. Li went big, and he ordered a traditional Beijing drink that was served in a big soup bowl with something that looked like a sour cream donut from Dunkin Donuts, but it was fried and crispy. You know the crispy noodles you get at home if you order won-ton soup? Picture those, but one big donut-looking one. You are to sip the drink then take a bite of the big crispy noodle. As Mr. Li predicted, I didn't like it at first because it was a really weird taste (like a mix of green beans and cabbage), but I kept drinking it and got used to the flavor. After a while, I didn't totally hate it, now I didn't totally like it either, but I kept drinking it out of respect and gratitude. We finally finished lunch after an hour and a half, then headed back to the office...I basically needed a nap after that! 

Marathon lunch #2 commenced on Tuesday afternoon at the place nearby where we had lunch on our first day (aka my first lazy susan experience). Truman, Sabrina, Mr. Li, Mr. Du, Glenda and Nicky invited us for a really nice laid back meal. My favorite part of this meal was the shrimp served with the head and shell on. Truman, who is Chinese, but lived in the US for several years and speaks extremely good English, spins the lazy susan my way and whispers, "you eat it with the shell on, don't be scared" I grabbed my chopsticks and dove right in. The shell was really soft and it helped hold all the juices into this tiny buttery bite of yummy goodness. My fat ass kept spinning the shrimp back to Nicky and me. No pull and peel action needed here! 

If there's anything I've learned about food here in China is that nothing is wasted, absolutely nothing. With the history China has had, and with the amount of people to feed here, they can't actually afford to have any food go to waste. For example, the noodle dish that we ate with Mr. Li was served with a bowl of cloudy water. I asked Nicky what is was and she tells me that it's the water the noodles were boiled in. Yeah, the water the noodles were boiled in was served as a hot drink at the table like it was a punch. Of course I drank it...I actually had thirds of it. 

When I came here, I had a talk with myself and said, Lauren, you will try everything once. You do not have to eat seconds, but you try whatever is given to you and then you will smile. Luckily the Chinese do not use mayonnaise, so I was in the clear in that regard. The same rule would not have applied in Belgium, New Zealand or Australia because I would have thrown up before I could even take a bite. Duck intestines? Sure, gimme it. Mayonnaise? Get the fuck out of here you heartless prick.

Which leads me to Marathon lunch #3. We ate at THE BEST duck place in Beijing. Apparently it's where all the foreign diplomats are taken to eat, so this place has to be 1. Totally baller and 2. Goddamn expensive. My friends, it did not disappoint and you guessed it:

Duck: check 

Duck soup: check

Duck feet: check

Duck liver: check 

Duck intestines: check 

I ate the entire duck except for the feathers and beak. Rick asked about the beak and they actually said, it's too hard to eat. So this means that they've tried to eat the beak. 

OMG  

I ate all of Joey and Chandler's pet...and you know what? The first thing they brought out today was the duck feet. Now they are de-boned, so it was just the skin. But I can't lie here, I got a chill when it got spun to me and I kinda wanted to crack my neck in preparation to eat it. But you know what saved the day? That spicy mustard showed up! I dowsed those duck feet in that spicy mustard knowing it was going to light up my nasal cavities like it was the fucking Fourth of July. Everyone's mouths at the table dropped because they all knew what I was in for, but I knew too and I took it like a champ...a crying champ because it was so hot my eyes immediately started tearing, but a champ nonetheless. They probably thought I was a complete moron and it was most likely the equivalent to ordering the goddamn eggrolls like some other people, but whatever. I ate duck feet. 

I was seated next to the VP of marketing at our company, and like our mentor Mr. Li, he is also from Beijing and he is extremely proud of where he is from. He asked me if I wanted to try all parts of the duck and I told him that I would eat whatever he was ordering. So Mr. Yu orders duck soup, which was absolutely delicious, except that it was about 85 degrees in the room we were in I was sweating like I was in a sauna, but whatever. Then the server brings in this bowl. And this is the bowl of motherfucking bowls. My Italian Grandmom had this bowl that she served sausage and meatballs in. It wasn't even a bowl, it was a trough. This thing had to weigh 10lbs when it was filled to the brim with sausage, meatballs and an inch of grease. The bowl they brought out reminded me of this, but it was filled with duck guts (ask Nicky so graciously interpreted it). Lots and lots of leftover duck guts mixed with a broth and some vegetables. Mr. Yu spins the lazy susan my way and dishes me this dish......

When I was in high school I worked at this mom and pop super market called Freed's. Freed's had (and still has) the best selection of lunchmeat around. Every weekend this old man would come in right at 8am and would order this stuff called souse. Souse was a gelatin and red pepper mixture of all the leftover "yuck" from a pig (I think it was a pig). Whatever it was, I used to die every time I had to wait on this guy. It even got to the point where my friends Joan and Tammy would just be like, I got you girl, I'll wait on him him (praise the lord for those fine ladies). 

So Mr. Yu spins the dish my way and serves me two pieces a very compact  meat-like substance. It's now or never and I forge ahead with my chopsticks and bite into piece #1 which tastes like iron (err the liver). It was ok, I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it either. Then piece #2 was a weird taste that I cannot describe and I shoved it in my mouth like I was in a Nathan's hotdog eating contest. But again, I survived. All I kept thinking was please God, don't spin that lazy susan again for another round.

I have eaten so many amazing dishes here. Sure, we can all crack jokes about eating dogs and horses or whatever...and maybe I did eat some questionable food over the course of this month, but you know what? It was all really good. Maybe I'm brave, or maybe I have a pretty hard stomach, but I was completely exposed to a culture like I never have before and that is something I'll never forget.