Many of you have been
inquiring about the bathroom situation here in China, so I'm going to take this
time to enlighten you. But first, let me take you back to 2007 when I saw a
sign on a bathroom stall in New Zealand about 'how to sit' and 'how not to sit'
on a bathroom toilet. I read it and thought to myself, who in the world would
stand on a toilet seat to go to the bathroom? Oh, naive 26-year old me. Flash
forward to 2015, and I am living in a country that has not one, but two
different toilet options to utilize when relieving oneself.
So there is the potty
option, the normal American toilet that we all know and love. Then there is
squat option. Picture a American toilet that had a piano dropped on it and it
didn't break, but just flattened out and kept its flushing capabilities. The
stalls are clearly marked with a sign that shows the type of toilet it is and
it lists Potty or Squat. Now before you all freak out and think that I'm coming
back to the US with thighs like Serena Williams, my hotel is westernized with a
regular toilet and there is a "potty option" available at work (along
with two squatters).
Ok, moving on...if
the toilet options aren't enough for your little noggin to grasp, there are
also rules, regulations and best practices for toilet paper usage. In most
places, toilet paper is not provided in the bathroom stalls or at all. So you
need to BYOTP or you'll be pulling a T-Swifty and you're gonna need to shake it
off. At my work, there is a community toilet paper dispenser on the wall that
everyone uses. You grab what you (think) you need, choose your stall and go.
Choosing the amount of toilet paper in advance is not only an art, but a
science. Are you a TP crumbler? Are you a TP folder? Your method will clearly
impact your TP usage. Once you actually think about this, you begin to estimate
your needs. I have bypassed this issue but doing the "doubling up"
method. I grab the TP from the community dispenser so it looks like I'm not too
good to be like everyone else, but I bring in a pink makeup bag with me which
has backup TP just in case...a TP workaround if you will.
So the first few
times that I went to the bathroom, I noticed extra toilet paper hanging on the
hook inside the stall. I thought to myself, oh how nice, in case you need to spare
a square, someone has done you a solid and they hung up their leftovers for
future use (gulp). You also do not throw your paper into the toilet to
flush, you throw it in the waste basket next to the toilet. I do not abide by
this rule, not because I want to disobey anyone, but simply because I've been
throwing my TP into the toilet for...I dunno, like 30-31 years, and I just
forget to chuck it into the basket. I actually remembered the other day and
threw it into the basket then got excited because I remembered. It's the little
things.
In my first week at
work, I just assumed that the potty stall was used for emergencies, secretly
smoking cigarettes and ex-pats, but as my days and weeks have progressed, I
noticed that people (other than this American) are using this stall. One day I
went to go and the red occupied flag was up on my stall (yes it's mine). I'm
thinking, who the hell other than me uses this toilet?! I look under the door
and don't see any feet. I'm puzzled, but then low and behold, the door opens
and a girl comes out. I go into the stall and there's foot prints on the toilet
seat. That's when the New Zealand bathroom stall picture pops into my mind.
Eight years later, that photo has literally come full circle and I now
understand what the Kiwis were referring to.
I was also recently
informed of those who use my stall and sit on the toilet (gulp) put toilet
paper down on the seat so they can sit on it. When they are done, the toilet
paper that was on the seat is the toilet paper that gets hung onto the hook in
case you need to spare a square (double gulp). No toilet paper goes to
waste.
I refuse to use the
squat toilets. I will hold it until my eyes bleed or I go to the 8th floor and
use that toilet instead. Every time I go into the bathroom stall and the potty
is in use I just wait. Girls come in and look at me like I'm nuts as I wave
them ahead of me in line. Thou shall not squat. Then it happened. I swore
to myself, that in my 27 days in Beijing that I wouldn't let this day come. I just
wouldn't let it. But then it did, and it did in a public toilet at the
Forbidden City. You want to know what should be forbidden at the Forbidden
City? Squat toilets, that's what. I held it for as long as I possibly could and
then I just couldn't hold it any longer. The Forbidden City is a labyrinth that
won't end and I was going to pee my pants. I reluctantly enter the bathroom but
once I get in there, I am excited to see many stalls. I'm thinking, oh good,
there's at least one that's a potty stall! I check about 19 of the stalls and
there she is, my potty stall is all the way at the end and it's open for use! I
open this stall door and witness the most horrible sight of my life. I let the
door slam and I choke back the lump in my throat. I stand there trying to gain
back what is left of my wits, about-face then I open a squat door and enter. I
gather myself, channel my inner-drunk girl and go for it...
And I will never be
the same. I will hold it for the rest of my life before I ever willingly do
that again. And well, that's all I have to say about that.
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