My return home...

As my return home is imminent, I find myself thinking about the following things.......

I will not have to check out at 10am at the retirement community (aka mom n dads) hand in my pillowcase, my sheets, and room key in order to get my $20 deposit back.

I won't wake to the rustling of people packing backpacks at 6am because they were idiots and didn't pack the night before.

I will no longer have to wear flipflops in the shower.

When I go for a shower I dont have to take every item of clothing I´m going to wear with me.

The shower will be the next door down the hallway, not downstairs, along a corridor, or outside.

Real fluffy towels and washcloths, none of this packtowel shammy crap that doesnt even cover half my ass.

I can actually sit on my toilet seat... although I do have an ass of steel from doing the hover for the past 3 months.

I will have to actually tip waitresses and waiters.

I no longer have to creep into my room at stupid-o-clock in the morning and worry about waking anyone.

No more tuna sandwiches, tomato or pumpkin soup, ham-n-cheese, grilled cheese, or pasta with cheese. I will never lay eyes on any of these foods ever again... ever.

Because they don't give out plastic bags, a green canvas Pak-N-Save bag is not necessary to go grocery shopping with anymore.

I no longer need to label my name and check out date on the green canvas Pak-N-Save bag when putting it in the community refrigerator.

Laundry will not cost me $4 to wash and $4 to dry and $1 for crap detergent that I have to get at reception.

Doing laundry will not depend on how many clean pairs of underwear I have left (and that includes bathing suit bottoms)

No longer will I do the sniff test for cleanliness. From now on my clothes will be neatly hanging in my closet ready to wear.

I HAVE to take better care of myself. No more looking like I just got hit by a truck... Oh and how do I apply make-up? I've quite simply forgotten......

Pre-gaming before going out was in college, I am no longer in college, this nonsense has to stop.

No more drinking boxed wine (GOON!) just because it's so freakin cheap.

I can stop doing the constant obbsessive compulsive do I have everything check?
Wallet-CHECK! Cell phone-CHECK! Passport-CHECK! Ipod-CHECK! Camera-CHECK!

When I awake it will just be me, no more random smelly snorers in the bed opposite with their arse hanging out.

I will not pack some guy's underwear in my bag because I picked them up mistaking them for my mesh shorts at 6am... I wonder if that guy has my mesh shorts?

I must actually have to match when I go to work in the morning. Boardshorts are a no no when heading to the office and that red t-shirt that I got for free after skydiving does not match those khaki green shorts. The past three months I have been one huge fashion faux pas!

When I meet someone for the first time it is not obligatory for me to ask them
where they are from, where they have been, and where they are going.

DO NOT, just walk up to a stranger at home and introduce myself. I will no doubt be arrested for being a freak.

When I arrive home do not expect mom to hand me a plate, cup, knife, fork, spoon and towel all for a $5 deposit.

When I go to a bar at home it will not be 80% full of so-and-so@yahoo.com.uk. Will half my address book always end in .uk?

I will finally know where I am sleeping every night.

I no longer have to sleep with everything valuable that I own in my pillowcase.


I can't believe I am actually coming home to reality. I will be a sad little thing on April 1st when Team America's flight arrives into Philadelphia at 6am. *tears*