My Mother Has Money Issues

Mom and I have found this fantastic little hole in the wall bar that has dirt cheap alcohol and hella good meals. Our second night in Sydney we eat dinner here and are having a few drinks. So mom gets up to get another round of drinks and she dumps her wallet out onto the bar and goes to the bartender, "I don't know what is what here, take what you need." Now in the States the bartender is going to take more than they should, pay for the drink then pocket the rest. The bartender takes the proper amount and is just laughing at her. So I'm like ok mom, it's time for a lesson in Aussie money... I'm all, This, is a silver octagon, it's 50 cents. This is silver and round, it's 20 cents. This is big and gold, it's a dollar coin. This is tiny and gold, this is a two dollar coin. So she counts the money back to me all wrong and comes up with some ridiculous amount. Now I'm like, LOOK MOM, this is 2 dollars, it's tiny and gold. This, shaped like an octagon, 50 cents. This is not hard.

I felt like how my dad felt trying to teach me how to tell time when I was a kid. The big hand is what Lauren? I dunno dad. The little hand is what Lauren? Umm the minute hand? NO LAUREN. FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, THE BIG HAND IS THE MINUTE HAND. I'm like, "No Mom, the big silver one is like a quarter only it's 20 cents instead of 25 cents. Tiny and gold. It's a two dollar coin. Tiny. Two dollar. GOT IT?" My mom said it made her think back to the time when she was with Kurt in Germany and she kept calling deutschmarks douchemarks, or the time Mimi was in Italy and she asked for the Italian word for "f____ you" on her pizza instead of formaggio. OOPS!